Can Purell be used as lube?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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