I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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