so let's talk penis.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
