They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
