Me. At least after what I've been through.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
