Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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