I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
