@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
