Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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