He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
