She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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