we have pet lesbian snakes
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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