You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
