Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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