i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
