He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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