I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
