u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
