I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
