perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
