This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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