i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
