You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize