it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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