i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
