I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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