Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
