You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
