My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize