who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
