I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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