I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
