I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i now understand why vodka
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
