Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
