i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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