i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
