Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Come back. Shots need mouths.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
