Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
