Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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