So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
