i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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