there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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