are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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