chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
