come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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