Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
