Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
