is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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