I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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