DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
