worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize