just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
