i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
