i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
