i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I AM VODKA MAN
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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