then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
