Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
