I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
