Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize