Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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