Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
