I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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