Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize