um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
