I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
