please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
