I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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