I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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