i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
