did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
