I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
