This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have fence marks all over my body
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
