Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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