the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
