You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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