You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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