"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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