thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
