That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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