I'm really into asian looking animals
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
