i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
why is half of my head shaved?
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