Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i will never coherently bang her
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
