Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
