Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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