i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
