yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
