why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
