I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
