This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
