The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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