If i come over, it means nothing
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
