Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
