I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize