Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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