Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
