I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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