I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
