Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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