Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
if only i could text you this smell
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
